A REALLY ROUGH PRE-VIS
Got some things to fix, criticism welcomed hell yea
I was focused less on actions and more on camera-work style. Still shots seem too stiff for the nature of what the story is about. Shakey cams everywhere make it look like you're looking through Bud rather than observing him. (maybe.. that's what I hope anyway................)
Oh and don't worry that Bud and Pal look like they've gone sun-bathing. That's what happens when you don't use a linear workflow. (Doesn't look like it in the final renders!)
and bud for good spirits
Hey Ella,
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to judge your pre-viz in terms of pace, because there's no soundtrack or text boxes - both of which are necessary if you're seeking to trouble-shoot any shots that are lagging or too ponderous? My instincts are that, yes, you could trim your scenes a little to keep the pace more upbeat, but again, I know that the viewer also needs time to read, so I'm loathed to way in with a hard and fast suggestion. I think the mobile camera (shake) is bringing life to your scene. A few observations:
@ 8 secs when Bud encounters the arrow sign, the direction of the arrow seems odd, because you've set things up that Bud is travelling from right to left; but in this very next scene the arrow appears to be sending him back the way he's just come. If Bud has come to a crossroads, we'll need to see him arrive at it, and the arrow etc., so the audience isn't disorientated, and understand the change. Alternatively, you could flip this scene and just ensure that Bud's direction of travel remains consistent as already implied.
@ 31 secs approx - that shot is held for a long time unnecessarily; you can certainly trim this scene; as soon as we see Bud on his way along the path, you could get to the next scene; I'm never a huge fan of cross dissolves, so I'm wondering if a hard edit between this shot and the next wouldn't feel more purposeful?*
*In regard to this next shot (Bud's POV of shrooms) - I don't think this is clear enough. I'd suggest we need to first see Bud arriving at the mushroom field, before we are given his point of view; right now, this POV shot feels a bit disassociated.
@ 1.09 - can't help thinking the framing of this shot is cropped out too much of Bud's head? Could be staged with more of his head in shot for a stronger composition? (and likewise @ 1.44)
The bit just before the leaf up until the leaf rising to meet Bud's mouth; some of the shots here feel a bit aimless, like I'm not sure of what they're contributing; it's like 'get on with it' - though again, there might be dialogue boxes here? Even so...
If feels odd that we don't see the gap close between Bud and his pal - first shot they're far apart, second shot, they're opposite each other; you need to think about showing the audience in the first shot that Pal is moving towards Bud.
I think you always need to ensure (except in extreme close ups) that the tip of Bud's head is always in frame and not cropped; it feels like a compositional mistake otherwise.
At the end - where he see the unbroken fence across the horizon, it does feel like a barrier to Bud and Pal - how about putting a little entrance point there instead?
I just think you need to be very sensitive to the pace, Ella - and ensure you strike the right balance between giving us time to take in the info and keeping things nice and lively.
You're obviously working very hard and ambitiously - excellent stuff - but just keep your fidgety target audience in mind; don't encourage their minds to wander! :)
Thank you for the very indepth notes !!
DeleteFOR ONCE I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU WITHOUT RELUCTANCE
That's gotta be a good thing ! It didn't even occur to me as well that not showing the top of a head could break a composition but I guess because it technically splits the screen in half it makes sense.
Animating right now, will definitely make it reflect the changes. THANKS AGAIN